Obsessing over...

Headbands

I need some now!

<3

Alone.

Why do I have to do this to myself? Sitting here, waiting for you, checking my phone, facebook, anything, for a message from you. Wtf! It’s infuriating. You did this to me. You set me up. You lifted me higher than I’ve ever been, then (blam!) dropped me back down to earth so fast there was no time to even prepare for landing. And here I am, mopping around, making excuses, getting nothing done, and for what?! You knew this would happen, but, well, you did it anyway. Thanks a lot. Now I’m even more miserable than I was before.

Why do I care so much? God dammit! This sucks so bad. You suck. And, of course, it had to be you too. I’ve freakin dreamt about what it would be like to kiss you. I’ve gushed about you to the girls. And then, when all my dreams come true, I’m so blissfully happy, too stupid to see the fall that’s coming. I wonder how I would be right now if none of this had happened. 

Would I still be this lonely? Probably, but I definitely wouldn’t be thinking about you every other minute of the day. I’d just be waiting for prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet.

Thing is, you were my prince charming. You were perfect. And maybe I only think that because we spent so little time together, but nonetheless, you could do no wrong. You were sweet, and said all the things a girl wanted to hear, all the things my past boyfriends had never said. You loved my weird quarks, and smiled at my lame jokes. We had so many inside jokes; people would’ve thought we’d been together for years. 

But here I am, all alone. I’m just alone now. 

Growth.

Extraordinary love.

Lessons

1. Staying in can be a hundred times more fun than going out.
2. Holding hands is still one of the best things in life.
3. A smile can brighten any day no matter what.
4. Don't leave cheese in the fridge untouched for two months and expect it to be edible.
5. If you're cold, it just means you're alive. So smile.
6. Moving is a lot of work. So find a place you like and stay put.
7. Learn to be free.
8. Let it go. Let it out. Set it free. 

Wake up.

This morning I had a lovely dream. A lovely dream about a kiss. But now that I think about it, it was probably a message from my inner consciousness. It was my conscious telling me what I already know, but want to ignore. 

It was you, watching me sleep with a little smile on your face. You knelt down close to my face, softly put your fingers through my hair, and kissed me so tenderly, then whispered in my ear, “Wake up.” 

     I did wake up. I woke up just wanting that to be real. Wanting you to be there by my side. But you weren’t. And I realized, I needed to wake up. Just as you had said in my dream. 

Wake up. Wake up. 

Lost.

Feeling lonely and scared today. Not sure what to do about it. I hate when everything is up in the air, when I have no control over anything. My life is one giant transition period right now and I hate it. I hate not knowing what will come next. Where will I live? What will I do? Who will I love? What's next?! What's next?! Someone tell me! I feel so helpless.